Do my crying in the rain
by Misura
Summary: Seto goes for a walk to forget about his lover who left him. (SetoJou(songfic)
1. Beginning

Do my crying in the rain

Warnings/notes : Seto + Joey, first pov (Seto), Mokuba, not really a happy ending

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu Gi Oh. The song 'Crying in the rain' belongs to A-Ha and has also been used by me for another song-fic.

written at 20th july 2003, by Misura

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//I'll never let you see

The way my broken heart is hurting me//

"Big brother? Are you all right?"

Mokuba has always been too perceptive for my comfort, too good at seeing through the small cracks in my mask I'm not even aware of.

For a while, I thought I could finally allow that mask to slip away, to show the real Seto Kaiba to the world out there. With you at my side, I felt like there was nothing I couldn't do.

You were so different from anyone I've ever known before.

I loved you.

I love you.

Perhaps I didn't tell you that every day, but I was sure you knew it just the same. Why else did you agree to try with me in the first place, if it wasn't because you believed in me?

You left me though. I'm alone again.

//I got my pride and I know how to hide

All my sorrow and pain//

"I'm fine, Mokuba."

What went wrong?

I still don't understand why you showed up that one day, bags packed and ready to go. I hadn't seen it coming, though that doesn't say much.

Emotions are not my strong suit.

You knew that.

You *knew* that.

Why didn't you try to talk to me about whatever it was that drove you away? Even Mokuba was surprised by your sudden departure.

Was it some kind of test I failed, to see if I truly loved you?

"No, you're not. You miss Jou, don't you?"

"Not at all." I shake my head.

"Yes, you do." A small hand tugs at my sleeve, to get me to look Mokuba in the eyes. "It's okay, big brother, I miss him too."

He sounds hurt.

I should hate you for that.

//I do my crying in the rain//

Perhaps, in some odd, twisted way, I deserved being deserted by you. Perhapds I deserved the pain you caused me by that act.

But he doesn't.

I have tried all my life to protect him from any harm and now you, the first person I trusted enough to share him with, have betrayed the faith he placed in you.

This house was a sanctuary for me, yet now it is haunted with memories.

Every room, every corner is tainted with images of you.

I can't bear to remain here any longer.

"Seto? Where are you going?"

I don't know, Mokuba.

But I'll always return for my little brother.

"Just for a walk."

//If I wait for stormy skies

You will know the rain//

"The've predicted rain." He protests, though he doesn't try to hold me back.

"It doesn't matter."

He nods, apparently satisfied with having warned me.

Outside, I can see why he'd be worried.

The sky is filled with dark clouds.

Funny, that.

On the morning you left, the sun was shining.

Its rays made your hair look golden in the light as you walked away.

Should I take today's weather as an omen?

And if yes, as one of good fortune or one of bad?

No matter.

To me, it seems the only good thing that can happen is you coming back.

You'll never do that.

//From the tears in my eyes

You'll never know that I still love you so//

I have seen you in school a few times.

You ignored me, unlike before, when we still fought.

I lack the courage to call out to you, to hear you throw the last shreds of my pride into the dirt for a reason I don't even comprehend.

Perhaps I am, after all, a coward.

Perhaps you are.

You were the first one to walk away.

In a way I suppose that makes me the final victor in the game we played for so long.

Only there's no need to keep score anymore.

Because you're gone, out of my life for good.

Or rather, for bad.

I should hate you for making me feel this weak.

But I can't.

//Only heartaches remain

I do my crying in the rain//

Love is like a drug, addicting.

I never needed it before.

What Mokuba gave me was enough.

It was a pure, clear kind of affection and loyalty, unsoiled by anything physical.

You changed that, changed me.

You made me into something different and then you broke me.

I feel something wet gliding down my cheek.

Looks like it's beginning to rain.

~to be concluded in the second part~


	2. Ending

Do my crying in the rain

Warnings/notes : Seto + Joey, first pov (Seto), Mokuba, not really a happy ending

Disclaimer : I don't own Yu Gi Oh. The song 'Crying in the rain' belongs to A-Ha and has also been used by me for another song-fic.

written at 22nd july 2003, by Misura

Thanks to the people who reviewed the first chapter :

To Shadow Sanctuary : ^^; Believe me, usually I'm one of those 'happy-ending-obligatory' authors too. Sorry. And I'm afraid this is more of a 'How-would-it-feel?'-fic than a 'Why did it happen?'-fic ; it's more about the effects than about the causes. I'm not sure if you're right though ; Seto seems to be more of a thinker, while Joey's a bit impulsive. *If* these two'd enter in a relationship, I think Seto'd have to be very convinced it would work. But that's just me. ^^;

To Dillon : Well, it's been one week. Hope that's soon enough. Sorry for depressing you! ^^;

To Kaira-chan : Sad ending I'm afraid. Don't let it spoil your weekend!

To ChibiSerenity3 : Yup. Bottled up inside of course, but still …

To DorothyWhainright : The name? Uhm, it's just chapter 2. Sorry for confusing  you. ^^;

To SilverMist4 : Sorry, I don't think he's really the type for drastic things. And he promised Mokuba he'd always come back for him. Promises to Mokuba are sacred to me. ^^; Thank you very much for the high praise ; hope you'll like this part too.

To Crimson Amnesia : It's right here, below. And it's *not* a happy Seto/Jou ending. Those are in my other fics. (You did see the warning, ne?). Shounen-ai addiction isn't too bad I think ; there are worse ones I dare say. ^.~

To Suppis Tenshi : *coughs slightly embarrassed* Well, I never actually heard the song. I found the lyrics on one of those lyrics-websites when I was looking for another one of their songs (Forever not yours, which I picked for Bakura and Ryou). I'm glad to say I've never been in Seto's situation thus far *crosses fingers* but I was kind  of sad when I wrote this.

To Leaf Zelindor : Mokuba says he does care if other people glomp his big brother. ^^; But you're right ; Seto does need a good hug, the poor guy. *feels a bit of a hypocrite*

To Li : I put up that warning for a reason, you know. *points to top of page* Very sorry. 

**********

_//Rain starts falling from heaven_

_Could never take away my misery//_

Soon enough the single drop has become a stream of water, running down my face while the rain pours down on me.

The heavens seem to weep the tears I swore I'd never spill for anyone.

In a way it feels good to feel myself getting soaked.

I feel alive, refreshed, cleansed.

Other people seem not to share my opinion, hurrying home cursing under their umbrellas.

I don't have one.

I don't want one.

That too would remind me of you.

The comforting sound of raindrops ticking ...

Pressing closer together because my umbrella wasn't meant to be shared ...

My sight is blurred by the wetness that falls from the sky.

_//Since we're not together_

_I pray for stormy weather//_

"Hey!"

Someone calls out to someone else.

Not me.

"Wait!"

The running footsteps I hear behind me aren't from anyone I know.

"Seto!"

No.

The hand on my shoulder that halts me isn't attached to the body I've seen naked so often and not often enough.

I turn around to face a stranger.

"Jou."

Your name falls from my lips so easily. 

_//To hide these tears_

_I hope you never see//_

"What are you doing out here? You're *soaked*."

You say that as if we're still together, as if there's still an 'us'.

You're mistaken.

"None of your business."

Who do you think you are that you can sound like you care about me?

"Yes it is! You'll get ill if you don't get into something dry and warm soon."

Imagine, I might even die, if I'm lucky.

No more pain, no more worries, no more anything.

Hn. I probably won't be that lucky.

Besides, there's still Mokuba.

"Leave me alone."

You already did, don't you remember?

_//Someday when my crying is done_

_I'm gonna wear a smile _

_And walk in the sun//_

"What's *wrong* with you?"

Is that a demand for an answer? An explanation even?

I don't believe I owe you one ; you didn't gave me one either now, did you?

"Nothing."

Everything.

And it's all your doing, so how dare you look at me like I'm the one who hurt you?

"Seto ... be reasonable."

"Jou."

So many emotions captured in a single syllable.

"My house is nearby."

You sound coaxing as if I'm some skittish animal you're trying to catch.

_//I may be a fool_

_But till the end darling you_

_Never see me complain//_

Did you already forget you had me once and drove me away?

Or is this still a game to you?

"I know that."

I know you.

I love you.

I shouldn't.

Because in the end, my knowing you was a mere illusion.

Like you loving me back.

I may have acted like a fool before, I don't intend to make the same mistake twice.

"Seto ... "

You use the name like a weapon while you once used it as a declaration of caring.

_//I do my crying in the rain//_

I have nothing left to say to you.

We already said our goodbyes and farewells.

I have no wish to repeat them.

Mokuba will be waiting for me, worried probably.

Perhaps I will make us some hot chocolate.

We'll manage it together, like we always have.

When the rain stops falling, my face will be dry too.

"Where are you going?"

Home.

"Stop!"

Never.

"I love you!"

...

You're lying.

Or you're too late.

The rain has dried already.

~OWARI~


End file.
